No Argument

When I read about marriages between people with radically opposed political views, like Mary Matalin / James Carville, George Conway / Kellyanne Conway, or Margaret Thatcher / Fidel Castro (those two crazy kids!), I wonder how it could possibly work.  Wouldn't they be arguing constantly?  How can they respect each other's values?

I don't have to worry about that.  Deborah has the correct political views on everything important.  I know they're correct because I have the same views.  The most recent example of this is our volunteering for Elizabeth Warren in the current primary season.  (Warren dropped out of the race, but thankfully only after sparing me from having to choose between Bernie Sanders and Joe Biden on a ballot.  For this I am deeply grateful to her.)  I'd have a very hard time sharing much time, let alone a life, with a committed Republican.  Deborah may be more tolerant, but she won't have to worry about me going over to the dark side.

We have very similar positions on religion as well:  we're straight-up nonbelievers. 

On the thousand and one decisions, big and small, that have to be made in life, we have frequently taken opposing positions.  We generally defer to the other person when we see that they care more.  For instance, Deborah wanted to buy a house before I was ready.  I saw that she was determined that this was what we should do (and she was right), so we did it.  She deferred to me about whether to stay and add on or move when we needed more space.  (I love our neighborhood.)  We alternate on choosing cars; she buys Subarus and I buy Hondas.

Money has never been a bone of contention (grrr!), partly because we both had decent incomes and no debts, but mostly because we have similar attitudes about it.  Once you have enough to live reasonably well for the foreseeable future, it's not worth worrying about getting or keeping more of it.  We don't crave luxuries.  Deborah likes traveling; I go along with the bother and expense without much comment.  We trust each other completely, so there was no need for separate bank accounts.

It took a while, but eventually Deborah impressed upon me the desirability of having standards of neatness and cleanliness higher than the ones I took into our marriage, and the need for my participation in maintaining those standards.  Now I actually look forward to Laundry Day (usually Sunday) and take pride in my dishwashing prowess.

As much as I like arguing online, I don't want to do it at home, and thankfully I never have the occasion to.